Third, Concerned Women for America doesn't think Mary Cheney should have a baby. Great, fine, whatever. But Mary Cheney's uterus belongs to Mary Cheney, Janice, and she can do whatever the f*ck she likes with it. She can have babies with it or keep her car keys in it or fill it up with potting soil and plant tulips in it. It's her f*cking uterus, Janice, not yours. And if you keep inserting yourself into it people are gonna think you're a dyke too, or Heather Poe is going to show up on your doorstep and beat the holy living h*ll out of you.
Someone please explain to me exactly how I can use my uterus as a flowerpot, because that is all kinds of awesome.
Come to think of it, it'd be pretty useful as a key holder, too. I keep forgetting to clip my housekeys into the carabiner and they wind up in the bottom of my pretty (but mostly useless) girlie purse.