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Apparently my problem stems from thinking negatively, which would explain why many of the responses to my previous post were that I'm not perceived as negative.

Here's an example from yesterday: at the end of what I thought was a relatively successful small grocery trip at Wal-Mart (crowds and noise both exacerbate my anxiety), Vogon got frustrated with me because I failed to communicate well. (We'd split up so we could get more done in less time; when we reconvened, I was in the claustrophobia-inducing plastic aisle waiting for a woman to move so I could get an item I wanted that she was in front of. When she finally moved, I was getting overwhelmed and didn't make it clear to Vogon that I had to move _now_ or I was going to have a panic attack.) He dropped us off at home afterward and said he was going to get the rest of the errands he had done on his own because we were making things take too long.

I felt like I'd let him down and screwed up again, so after letting myself mope for a few minutes, I threw my energy into cleaning and was mopping the kitchen and entry when my phone rang. He wanted me to turn a particular station on the radio and "really listen to it". I wound up listening to a guest on The New You Show talking about surrounding oneself with people who think positively. I'm still not sure how I'm supposed to start thinking more positively, but the guest maintained that it's important and so does Vogon, so it's up to me to figure out how to think positively. At least writing about my attempts will be entertaining.

After moving past that, we had a very nice time running errands afterward. We now have pop-up hampers for everyone, Laurel showed us how she can run in heels (a pair of sparkly dress-up shoes), and we hit Blockbuster for movies to watch this week. I think it's time to get a Movie Pass with them and a 3-at-a-time NetFlix subscription so I can see more movies I'm interested in since I've gone through most of what I'm interested in at our closest two stores.

In other news, the nighttime/weekend noise here is about to get interesting -- the previously empty apartment across from our downstairs neighbors is now occupied by a couple that started playing thumping music around 1130 this morning (stuff that sounds like "me and my homies gonna roll and get some booty") and just switched to some whiny-quasi-rock stuff. In case they weren't winning our hearts and minds, they also have a Rottweiler they let run around outside off-leash. Now our downstairs neighbors are playing their craptastic bass in response and I'm cheering for them for two reasons: their music is less annoying and they don't have a behemoth of a dog.


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 20th, 2005 10:10 pm (UTC)
Optimists live longer than pesimists. The only carrer in which pessimism corilates with sucess is law.
Feb. 23rd, 2005 01:24 am (UTC)

My only career so far has been parent, where optimism is coming easier with time and fewer diaper changes.
Feb. 21st, 2005 12:05 am (UTC)
There is a Buddhist sutra that includes something to the effect of: "all we are is our thoughts. with our thoughts we make the world." I've also heard it said that we attract what we are fixated/thinking about. Finally, one (semi-questionable) phrasing I've heard is: "My mind should never be in negative thought, only positive or neutral thought."

When I was stuck on a ship, standing watch at 2AM, so painfully tired, I used to draw little daisies to get my mind out of a tailspin of angst. Most of the time, it worked, and I felt a whole lot better.

Finally, for me, I find that whenever I'm depressed/anxious/down/stressed, if I can find the clarity to take inventory of my blessings, the ginormous list of gifts I've been given, I start to feel grateful instead of whatever else was going on. And then, it's much easier for me to ACT grateful, which usually means helping someone else. And then, I've completely forgotten whatever I was worried about before.

Anyway, you sound like you're doing better. So, have an eHug and enjoy the rest of your weekend!
Feb. 23rd, 2005 04:01 am (UTC)
Thank you.

A section to keep a list of things I'm grateful for would be a good thing to include in my control journal.

I had a really great time seeing my folks again without the hectic running around that everyone was doing just before my sister's wedding. Even my older sister got teary, although I'll tease her later it's because it'll take me awhile to sort, rename and upload her professional wedding photos.
Feb. 21st, 2005 05:33 pm (UTC)
One thing I think America will have to come to grips with in the next few years is that the cities will have to become like Germany. You can't have a dog unless you have a yard, or they will just come and take the dog. Music that disturbs people will simply be fined or equipment taken away. Deustchland, Deustchland, uber alles.
Feb. 23rd, 2005 12:25 am (UTC)
I would love that.
Feb. 24th, 2005 08:05 pm (UTC)
They're already moving in that direction.

The rules for Dallas can be found here, and basically state that if you don't take care of your animals, if they annoy the neighbors, or they are dangerous and you don't have $100,000 worth of insurance, proper registration, and proper restraint, they will be impounded. That goes for all animals, not just dogs.

Hrm... we should maybe think about registering the cat, she bites like a mofo. LOL

Or, better, yet, we should go down and register a man-eating rabbit. {evil grin}
Feb. 24th, 2005 11:00 pm (UTC)
I'm tempted to set up a webcam pointed at the grass now to report whoever's dog(s) is/are responsible for all the feces down there. I took Laurel downstairs earlier this afternoon to pick up things she'd thrown off the patio and I had to practically soak both pairs of the sandals we wore down there -- after whatever came off on the walk to the dumpster and back.

The new management is throwing a continental breakfast with mimosas on Saturday morning. I'm tempted to go just to ask what they plan to do about the dog poop starting to outpopulate the grass.

I've got a stuffed Beast of Caer Banog (sp?) we could register. (:
Feb. 24th, 2005 11:20 pm (UTC)
Thus quoth the Beast of Caerbannog, "I'm gonna be keeping an eye on you."
Feb. 25th, 2005 11:55 am (UTC)
I have all of the software you'd need (motion activated recording, no less).

The only thing you wouldn't have is a cable long enough to reach all the way from the computer to a vantage point that could oversee the grassy area. And, you'd probably want two cameras, though the majority of the problem area could be caught by just one.

But, in the long run, it might end up being cheaper to just buy a motion activated CCTV recorder and camera (Fry's sells them for cheap). The disadvantage there is that you couldn't print, where as you could print with a web cam.
Feb. 25th, 2005 03:34 am (UTC)
too bad they don't have the same rules for the worst animals. People.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )


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Melissa, starry-eyed soy-lovin' Expatriated Zulu

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