Facepalm moments of book fair:
- A lingering browser during class time that thought cents and dollars were interchangeable. (They were old enough to have done the "money math" unit and clearly understood the concept of hundreds, tens and ones.)
- An older student that, after noticing the day before we accepted checks as payment, brought in a cash withdrawal slip for the amount, not including sales tax, of a single title they wanted. They did attempt to fill it out like a check (made out to cash) but there wasn't enough room on the "signature" line so they signed it in the style FirstName LastInitial.

Sweetest moment of book fair:
- A preschool-aged sibling I usually sit and chat with while we wait for school to let out came gave me a sprig of holly-like leaves that were turning a pretty red. I tucked them into my hair and totally forgot about it until I was at the PTA meeting that night and we saw each other again.

In other school-related news, I was treated to breakfast this morning by a fellow weekly folder volunteer, I helped hang lots of bulletin board paper for student snapshot boards (each grade has a themed display; I'm working on "Adventures Through Imagination" with homemade enlargements of some graphic elements of the Reading Rainbow intro animation), and next Tuesday I will be sending two of my favorite dishes from Veganomicon to a fall teacher luncheon.

...

Vogon took photos of Laurel and I in our Halloween costumes for the Cub Scout pack meeting earlier this month, I just have to get off my duff and copy them and the PTA meeting pics to my computer so I can do stuff with them.

Laurel's friend that lives in a neighboring complex is now walking home with us in the afternoon and hanging out with Laurel until her older brother gets home from school, which will save her folks on after-school care and gives the girls some quality time together that's a little less overwhelming for me than the sleepover they had last weekend. (I love the kids, I just love sleeping in more.)

I gave Vogon a drive enclosure I wasn't using anymore and he cracked up when he opened it and found a sticky note over the drive label that read "crashed 10/2005 - partition table missing?". (I was able to recover the data from the drive, hence why it was in the enclosure.)

There's probably some other stuff I should post about but it is falling out my head at the moment.

Laurel asked me to help her take out her earrings this morning; she had taken one out over the weekend because it had been catching on her blanket. I had been dubious of that particular pair since she had spotted them at the dollar store (there are some things I won't go that cheap on) and after I helped her get it off, the metal's finish was gone and the backing was nearly stuck to the post. So I did the right thing (for once) and told her that I would feel better if she wore better quality earrings, then fetched a pair of gold earrings with rubies (her birthstone, even) that her paternal grandmother had given me several Christmases ago. It's not the kind of thing I think about since I usually don't wear earrings, but I figure if you're going to wear them you might as well wear something nice.

More proof little kids are way funnier when they aren't yours: I Need a Martini Mom, who blogs about her kindergarten classroom's antics. Earlier this evening I laughed until I was disausted at the little boy who forgets to aim when he pees.

Barbara Ehrenreich in The Nation ("Bonfire of the Disney Princesses"):

"Disney likes to think of the Princesses as role models, but what a sorry bunch of wusses they are. Typically, they spend much of their time in captivity or a coma, waking up only when a Prince comes along and kisses them. The most striking exception is Mulan, who dresses as a boy to fight in the army, but--like the other Princess of color, Pocahontas--she lacks full Princess status and does not warrant a line of tiaras and gowns. Otherwise the Princesses have no ambitions and no marketable skills, although both Snow White and Cinderella are good at housecleaning."

She nicely sums up why we have some Princess products, but not to excess -- and certainly not on the walls. Walls are saved for characters that kick butt: Atomic Betty, Kim Possible and a hilarity-inducing drawing by Laurel of an eye patch-wearing blonde (think Elle Driver in the Kill Bill movies) and a dog with the caption "We will save you!".

'Cause man, if I have to be saved, I'll certainly welcome someone that can run in heels. Being able to run in heels while wearing an eye patch is simply impressive. And pirate-y.

I felt ineffably old today when Laurel asked me what "sexy" means.

Then I remembered giggling at that word on the back cover matter of the paperback of Life, the Universe and Everything at the same age and I felt even older.

...

In case I haven't plugged it recently, I still love Robie Harris' "It's NOT the Stork!" as an introduction to talking about human reproduction and sexuality with early elementary-aged children. The Internet is full of people who were raised using cutesy nicknames for their anatomical parts because they're uncomfortable saying "vagina" and would rather reveal their gynecological issues to an online community than see a health care professional or get a second opinion. Please don't contribute to another generation of that.

I feel compelled to flash my Susie Bright "Clits Up!" button at this point, but I'd have to fish it out of my purse to take a picture of it. Use your imagination.

The other day polyhymnia mentioned Cool Tools and I've been skimming there on and off since.[1] I'm fascinated by the Nosefrida Nasal Aspirator since I have no problem sucking thick snot out of children's noses with a regular nasal bulb aspirator after using saline drops to thin the stuff. Still caught up in the health category, I'm amazed at the things in there I thought everyone kept on hand: disposable suture kits, QuikClot, self-adhering wraps, SAM splints.

That led me to wonder: is that sort of knowledge not common anymore? Does the average person know useful skills beyond basic emergency first aid like how to clean and suture simple wounds or set and immobilize fractures until an injured person can see a doctor? Are those "poor skills" I acquired as a result of living with medical industry-averse Himself or because I'm a curious mofo? (That's probably a bit of both since I got into taking all the Red Cross courses I could get into before I was involved with him.)

Also, this 5-pound fat replica? Awesome. I may buy one for the next time one of my extended relatives looks at my perfectly healthy daughter or nephew and asks "Where's the rest of them?". *snerk*


1. It's been punctuated by a long side trip through the TWoP threads about the Duggars because I was trying to explain the origin of "Vagina. It's Not A Clown Car" to someone. Now not only does that make me laugh, I keep laughing at "Sin in the camp!".

A painfully cute Laurel moment: I knit a small handled bag and hung it on her doorknob to find. She promptly filled it with a toy cell phone, a small stuffed dog and her change purse. When I asked her how she chose the items she put in it, she replied, "For my family."

It hit me today that I am an intellectual snob while I was watching my daughter's classmates talk about the most recent book orders while waiting to be picked up after school.

I'm thrifty and put together an order of 13 books for just under $25: a five-pack of Beverly Cleary's Ramona books, a five-pack of Magic School Bus books from the Scholastic Reader series, and a three-pack of Flat Stanley books.

I stick to a basic book order buying plan of a mix of "one-sitting reads", chapter books, and something popular that she can relate with her classmates about reading. I know that sounds a bit doofey for me, but I think that  having some of her reading be titles or series popular with her classmates helps her socialization skills. The school librarian is great at keeping me up-to-date on what's popular (because libraries : me :: crackhouse : junkies) and I let Laurel pick out whatever she wants when we go book shopping as a family, so I think my book order buying plan works well for us.

Back to the story, a classmate of Laurel's came over to show us what he got and tell Laurel what he got was better. (This isn't a character judgment, it's just what he does.) For nearly twice the cost of what we spent, he got just two items: a My Pod Storybook & Personal Music Player (part of the Reader's Digest "book and player" format, it's a ROM player) and a large-format picture book that came with 3-D glasses.

I think this explains why I never see any books when I've visited their home.

After that, I thought "I bet that explains why their fifth grader displays reading skills at a second grade level." I know there's more involved that I don't know about, but it makes me sad that they have a huge big-screen TV as the primary piece of furniture in their living/diving area and no books in sight other than the mom's textbooks and a few religious titles. What's there for the the kids to read? (I'm not suggesting that the Bible's not good, just that it's scant variety for recreational reading.)

Laurel's been wibbling on holding a pencil correctly. Remembering a neat ergonomic pencil grip I had as a little burrito, I checked around our local office supply chains. All I found there were round grips that felt nice but didn't encourage proper finger positioning. While thinking about making the trek to an educational supply store closer to downtown Dallas, we found The Pencil Grip at our neighborhood CVS.

Looking at their multipacks and buckets available online, Laurel helpfully volunteered that she'd like a bucket of 100. I guess she didn't look over my shoulder at the BookZup and the kits for rubber band balls and jump ropes. (:

Laurel has spent most of the afternoon alternately grumbling and crying over her perception that someone was being really mean to her by canceling our flight this afternoon. She talked to my mom and sister about the weather there and we watched a news segment on it too, but with overcast weather here in the 60s she's just not grasping it. I finally put in my earplugs and told her to let me know when she was done crying and using her whiny voice.

I sat down in front of the TV with my earplugs on and was half-consciously watching some design show on HGTV when she finally quieted down and emerged from her bedroom with ballpoint pen ink on her face. She said her face itched.

I replied it would itch less if she took her washcloth in the bathroom and washed the ink off her face, then I noticed her hair looked funny. She cut about 60% of her bangs to less than an inch from her hairline, and a couple bits in the tapered length working up to her bangs. For lack of a more delicate term, she looks mentally challenged.

We're taking her to Great Clips this evening to see what they can do with her hair.

Are elementary-school-aged kids immune to cold?

It's presently 45°F (7.2°C) outside with a pretty stiff breeze (20mph/32kph). I walked over to the elementary school in a winter coat, beanie and gloves; tolerable sheltered from the wind, but still darn cold in the shade. Kids came out of the building in shirt sleeves. Several of them apparently hadn't taken coats at all today.

I was baffled seeing a kid run from a car to the school entrance this morning in shorts and a long-sleeve t-shirt, but seeing teeming masses of little kids without coats on in this weather just boggles.

I totally forgot to mention this, so you're getting it now: I got name-checked at Parent Hacks (parenthacks) last week!

It's not as geeky as getting slashdotted, but I appreciate that I'm not the sole Parent Hacker reading Dr. Steven Parker's Healthy Children blog (healthychildren). Thanks, Asha.

Some random things I found yesterday that I'm blogging instead of bookmarking:
- USB Missile Launcher
- Electric Salt and Pepper Mills
- Tea Bag Timer
- Pet Doorbell
- ridiculously cute Photo Frames

...

Hey parents and geeks! Today's woot is a two-pack of KidSmart SignalONE Smoke Alarms for $14.95 plus $5 shipping. They allow you to record a personalized 15-second voice recording and alternates it with an 80-dB tone. They're battery-powered, not hardwired, so if you want a hardwired one you'll have to wait until SignalONE debuts that product later this year. In the meanwhile, the deal is good through midnight CST tonight or when supplies run out.

SCENE: "15 items or less" grocery checkout aisle, 12:30 PM. We are waiting behind two people and a queue is rapidly forming behind us. Laurel, mildly bored by waiting, is looking at the covers of magazines next to the checkout stand.

Laurel: [reading the headline on a magazine] I'm Gay!

People around us look vaguely uncomfortable, particularly the woman immediately behind us in line.

Laurel: What does 'I'm gay' mean?
Me: It's like J-- and I--.

(J-- is my cousin; I-- is his boyfriend.)

Laurel: So what does 'gay' mean?
Me: It's when a man loves a man.
Laurel: [giggles]
Me: It's just a way people are, like having different-colored eyes. Just in our family, you have blue eyes, I have brown eyes and Daddy has green eyes.

The woman behind us now looks extremely uncomfortable.

Laurel: I'm gay! I'm gay!
Vogon and Me: [simultaneously] That's enough, Laurel.

...

The first time I explained homosexuality to her in the context of J-- and I--, she asked if that she could be their flower girl when they get married. I'm not sure whether I'll be relieved or mildly sad when that magazine goes off the newsstands.

We got Laurel a wall calendar a few months ago after she expressed an interest in having one to write on (I have a calendar in the kitchen that I write on daily) and she's used it diligently to note things she finds important. I guess she *really* likes writing on vertical surfaces, because when I went into her room a few minutes ago to give the windows a quick swipe, I noticed she'd written on the vertical blinds.

She knows not to write on non-paper surfaces and must have been thinking about it as she did, because she wrote "I'm sorry" on the blinds in crayon.

(And she'll be the first to tell you that a little 409 cleaner on a paper towel and some elbow grease took it right off.)

In Henry Rollins' live show, he tells an anecdote about turning to a friend and asking "Am I high?" after the president used the phrase "courageous spatial entrepreneurs" in a speech.

I wondered that today when flipping through channels and catching part of Wonder Pets! on Nick Jr. After asking Vogon if I was hallucinating, I paused my belief in reality and enjoyed the rest of the show, noticing its similarity to Go, Baby!, which I saw for the first time after handcoding blogged about his TiVo recording Go, Baby! based on its Suggestions feature and he thought it was hilarious to watch while slightly drunk. I think it's hilarious sober too, mostly because Richard Kind narrating in that "adult talking to baby" voice is farking hysterical, especially when you start talking back at the TV: [Narrator] "What would Baby do without you?" [Me] "Poop itself?".

Bonus six degrees of trivia: Wonder Pets! and Piper O'Possum on Nick Jr, Go! Baby on Playhouse Disney, and Oobi on Noggin are all made by the same production company, Little Airplane. There's a demo reel on their site, but it starts out with Piper, which I tuned out and waited for the good stuff.

From SugarBank, a blog about the business of pornography: A Pornographer's Guide to Protecting Kids from Porn Online. (This specific post does not contain explicit content.)

It's nice to see someone else saying the same thing I was saying to a newsgroup in 1999 about safe surfing needing active supervision more than filtering software. My favorite lines from Sam Sugar's article:

"Protecting children who aren't actively looking for sexual material is as simple as good parenting."

and

"When minors are interested enough in sex to look for it online, the rules change. You can't treat pornography as something they're innocently stumbling into, and you can't expect them to ignore the mental and physical aspects of puberty until they're legal adults."

Vogon mentioned a few nights ago that he wants to make tofu Parmesan sometime soon.

Him: It's just like chicken Parmesan, only with tofu instead of chicken.
Me: Okay. I've never had chicken Parmesan.

[silence; he boggles]

Him: Are you kidding?
Me: No. The last time I told you that, you decided to make it, but you overcooked it and threw it out.

[more silence]

Me: What?
Him: Okay... have you ever had scrambled eggs?
Me: Yeah, but they had chorizo in them until I started making my own.

---

open_loops' recent post "Seven Reasons Managers Should Play Chess" could easily be titled "Seven Reasons Any Reasonably Intelligent Person Should Play Chess". I should assemble a portable set and teach random kids how to play chess.

Make: Blog's Lego archives has a few things I hadn't already seen. Mostly the pinball machine. *lust lust lust* After that, I went over and boggled at the things that won the Tin Million Uses, One Metal Box competition. I've got to get braver about cutting into the stash of mint tins I have here.

WebMD blogger Dr. Steven Parker (Healthy Children, available on LJ at healthychildren) posted an article yesterday about a study that used Cetaphil cleanser to get rid of head lice with an overall long-term cure rate of 94-96%: Got Lice?. I plan to try it if the kiddo gets head lice in the future.

I didn't have to walk as much as I expected to last week thanks to:
- a neighbor giving Laurel a ride to school in the mornings and picking me up to pick her up in the afternoons,
- two Scouters giving me a ride to and from the committee meeting Wednesday, and
- another Scouter giving me a ride to/from a costume meeting on Thursday night. (I'm helping sew for the second grade's winter musical production.)

I'm looking for a nice way to thank the neighbors if anyone has any suggestions; I don't know much about them other than through their kids.

I noticed carpeting going in somewhere downstairs on Thursday and thought it must be one of the two smaller apartments on the other side of the breezeway from us, but it turns out our downstairs party neighbors have finally moved on. I met the new neighbor that moved in this weekend and she seems much more likely to not throw weekend-long parties unless her school-age kids are really out there. *wry grin*

I took Laurel to a classmate's birthday party on Saturday. I think the gift I picked out was okay -- only knowing the recipient likes Star Wars, I bought a LEGO Clone Scout Walker -- and she had a great time at the nickel arcade. She tried a few games beyond her current abilities (Dance Dance Revolution, a racing game she couldn't reach the pedals on) but turned out to be scarily good at the games where she had to hit a button to stop a countdown or a lit LED near a specific point. She redeemed her tickets for a red-winged plastic butterfly that now lives in her plastic bug house.

My cold is still kicking my butt, although Vogon hinted it may be more than a cold now since the stuff I'm coughing up is a distinctly different (and more ominous) color than what's coming out my nose. After two weeks of not being able to breathe through my nose and now losing my voice, I'm generally in a bad mood and even more so after having to wait 20 minutes for a pharmacist at Albertson's to purchase a box of Sudafed 12-Hour. When I take over the world, I am going to sentence every methamphetamine user and producer to death sobriety by waiting in government office lines.

Luckily I don't have much walking to do this week -- a den meeting on Monday night if I'm not coughing up a lung then, voting on Tuesday (no way I'm missing that and if you live in Texas, you shouldn't either, if only to vote on Proposition 2), and Laurel's ARD meeting on Wednesday.

Vogon anticipates having the car back on Friday, so I should work on getting everything he might want moved into storage boxed and ready, but I feel like crap on rye and don't know how much I'll get done this week other than general housekeeping, the sewing I've committed to (zipping together a handful of jumpsuits and basting Velcro to sew in after they've been fitted to the kids) and mailing off a disc and a sketch I promised to my sister.

"Bees" is stuck in my head, but you can share in that small part of my headspace by downloading it from la Laura Cantrell's website downloads page.