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Clinic blows, nothing else to report.

So after the fun of nearly five hours doing nothing in the clinic yesterday but having my PA, Lt. Dawn Jackson [initially called Lieutenant Hands Tied in this post], agree I needed to see Women's Health due to my strong family history of feminine disorders/cancers and my menopausal symptoms, I returned at 0720 to meet 2Lt. Gripper, the nurse that said she'd escort me to the places I need to go. I know where the lab and women's health are without having my hand held, but I thought it might help me get in a bit faster. Ha.

Spent almost fifteen minutes (to five past the appointed meeting time) standing outside the locked waiting room, then went over to the lab myself. Had a great but brief conversation with the volunteer that runs the desk at lab (he's a retired pharmacologist so we always have something to talk about) while waiting for the lab to get through the PHA folks, then did a urine sample and gave three vials of blood.

After I finished being a vampire, 2Lt. Gripper called the lab to see if I was there (duh, I'd left a message for her where we were originally supposed to meet) and I met up with her so she could escort me to Women's Health. Don't believe the big cardboard check in their waiting area lauding them for efficiency; when I asked if I could make an appointment for later since they seemed overbooked, I was told just to wait.

An hour later when I finally got my vitals done, I was asked about my foul discharge by nurse Dianne Bailey-Holland. WTF? I explained that I was having my third period in six weeks, hot flashes, gut-wrenching cramps (not quite as bad as childbirth, but comparable to the ones I had in the first hour after my water broke), nausea and a now week-old headache that neither 1600mg ibuprofen, 250mg aspirin, nor any other painkiller in the house would touch. She replied: "Oh, that's not an urgent situation. We might be able to get you in today if you had foul discharge, but you're not having a problem."

Long story short, I have a "wellness" appointment (if I haven't done a do-it-yourself hysterectomy by then, which I was careful not to mention at the clinic since they're too inefficient to appreciate hormonal-rage humor) scheduled for 1020 on 17 July. If it's anything like today was, I'll be lucky to be seen by noon -- when I gave up and left at 1100, the 0930 appointment was still sitting in the waiting room. Granted, I left was because that woman patiently sitting for over an hour for her appointment unsettled me, I was tired and hungry (not sleeping well due to hot flashes and barely had time for breakfast before leaving), and when Laurel and Himself finally found me (they'd been checking our regular team waiting room, which kept telling him "she won't be done for a long time" until finally noting I was in Women's Health, not the team waiting room, radiology or the lab like they'd been checking every hour) the same nurse that had me wait an hour before I could even talk about scheduling an appointment yelled at him for bringing Laurel in, but everything I witnessed in the Women's Health section today made me want to take my girly bits and run like hell.

I have a two-week course of HRT sitting at the base pharmacy, but since I can't take it until I've had a Pap (in two and a half weeks, if I'm lucky) and a pelvic ultrasound (calling Tricare to activate that referral in a few minutes, probably within the week since it's civilian and I expect them to see the situation like the Tricare nurse and appointment lines did yesterday when I called) I'm leaving them there until I'm clear to take them.

I still have no problems with Tricare (we're staying with them after Himself goes to reserve duty and Laurel and I can go back to the provider we had in Conifer), but this clinic stinks. I'll keep everyone updated on what happens, though if I'm still bleeding this weekend Tricare can suck it because I'll go to the hospital. I'm tired of being constantly tired/drained from this and the hot flashes are driving me batshit since it's already too warm for me here.

...

Slightly off-topic: Before getting to talk to Lt. Jackson yesterday, the nurse-type assistants asking questions every time they came into the exam room repeatedly and pointedly asked if there was any chance my husband had slept with anyone else. It finally stopped when I said "Ma'am, my husband couldn't get laid by someone else even if he wanted to. He doesn't like people." She stared, but the question wasn't asked again. When I told Himself about it later, he said he could provide witnesses if I needed anyone to vouch for the validity of that statement. Heh.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
clemidia
Jul. 1st, 2003 08:56 am (UTC)
Remember Humpty's Gyno Theory, and...
Next time "wear" your Groucho disguise and when she hits that topic again, say:

"Now that's the funniest thing I've EVER hoid!"
oddharmonic
Jul. 1st, 2003 01:36 pm (UTC)
Re: Remember Humpty's Gyno Theory, and...
I wish I had a pair to wear. Will have to remedy that since I'm sure the clown shop outside the base's main gate will have them.

I think I did all right since my initial thought was to tell them how many tapes of porn he came home from Kuwait with -- they got a Greek cable channel there that apparently had great adult programming, except all the tapes are PAL format so I can't watch them here (yet).

Thank you for the thought and inspiration. I think I'm going to get into my facepainting things in the morning so they can be sure to find my girly bits from my abdomen. I'll have Himself take pictures if I do. (:
clemidia
Jul. 5th, 2003 10:39 am (UTC)
Re: Remember Humpty's Gyno Theory, and...
HAHA--I have a friend scheduled for surgery this week and pre-then she plans to doodle all over herself with marker and see what happens!
angelpez
Jul. 1st, 2003 08:58 am (UTC)
Geez. I would have told them you had some funky discharge just so you could get in. That's crazy. Especially after you had to wait...what is up with that place. I would have been throwing some kind of fit. I hope you feel better...I know you must feel awful, because women problems are the worst. *hugs*

That was a great reply you gave to that woman asking about your husband. What are you suppose to even say to that question? I wouldn't know what to say, I'd probably just keep saying 'No' over and over again.
oddharmonic
Jul. 1st, 2003 02:05 pm (UTC)
I didn't want to lie to the nurse and I didn't want the people who had appointments to wait however much longer because of me. They're really short-handed doctors/providers lately so just regular sick call means folks are staying late to get everyone seen. Now I have an appointment and I just have to be patient, unless something weirder happens and I can justify waiting around in the clinic all day.

I think they were expecting me to say I suspected he got some while he was deployed (the squadron he's attached to deploys a lot, but he's only been twice and the last time was over a year ago). Robert really doesn't like most people, so him doing anything more intimate than watching porn by himself is pretty unlikely. We joke he can only stand me because I beat him about the head and dragged him home instead of asking him out. (:
azaelya
Jul. 1st, 2003 10:56 am (UTC)
they always ask me if Jason's been with anyone else...and I just sit there and think about how ridiculous a question that is. Yes it's possible, but I think it's a little out of line to people in committed relationships, especially marrried people. Yet, I think you handled it well. I need some kind of smart ass remark for my doctors. Hey, if you want to come to Minnesota, I know the director of the women and children's clinic and can get you an appointment right now. *smiles* otherwise, have you thought about just going to urgent care/emergency room?
ekdogg
Jul. 2nd, 2003 08:53 am (UTC)
god, medical care in the Army is just a scam...for someone, I just don't know.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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oddharmonic
Melissa, starry-eyed soy-lovin' Expatriated Zulu

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