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Lumpy breast funny... or semi-funny.

Saw the doctor today to get a new Celexa scrip and she wanted to palpate my breast that had a clogged sebaceous gland last year. Nothing unusual, my boobs have always been lumpy yet benign. (Fibrocystic breasts are very common in my maternal family.) She commented on their lumpiness today and asked if I'd been diagnosed with fibrocystic breasts before. I replied, "Only by civilian doctors. The last military doctor that gave me a breast exam insisted I had completely lumpless breasts, so I guess it depends on how you're reimbursed." My doc did not laugh. vogonpoet did.

My boobs have the texture of lumpy oatmeal in a plastic bag most of the time, so I can only imagine what that military provider must have felt on a regular basis.

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
oneirocritical
Nov. 6th, 2008 12:24 am (UTC)
What do you think of Celexa? I'm on Zyprexa right now and it doesn't really do much for me.
oddharmonic
Nov. 6th, 2008 01:25 am (UTC)
I am happy with how Celexa works for me; I've been on it since summer 2006. As you know, meds work differently for everyone.
firni
Nov. 6th, 2008 02:47 am (UTC)
Yeah, I have the same problem, and even with the family history and mammograms in my 20s, they still insisted on a fucking needle core biopsy of a cyst that had gotten rather large a couple of years ago. This was the same cyst that had prompted my original doctor to do the mammogram when I was 21. Then, when I went in two weeks later for the biopsy, the surgeon doing the biopsy had a hell of a time finding the lump. Why? BECAUSE IT WASN'T THE CORRECT TIME IN MY CYCLE.

Hell, they told me later that she probably took most of the lump when she aspirated the biopsy sample out of that GIGANTIC NEEDLE IN MY BOOB.

Oh, and it was at a Sisters of Providence hospital, so as I was lying there, Christ writhed on the cross from his position on the wall and stared at me. I should have swiped him.
oddharmonic
Nov. 7th, 2008 02:48 am (UTC)
My doc wants me to see a breast surgeon to talk about needle biopsy. I am ambivalent, but am happy to schedule that for the next point in my cycle where the lump is easiest to find.

One time I had a cold metal speculum used for an exam at St. Anthony's in Denver. If I could have seen a crucifix, I would have been tempted take it down and wave it at the doctor while intoning "thou shalt offer a patient the chance to warm up the speculum before inserting it".
revme
Nov. 6th, 2008 07:49 am (UTC)
...your boobs feel like plastic?
oddharmonic
Nov. 7th, 2008 01:35 am (UTC)
My boobs feel like lumpy oatmeal in a bag.

I asked Vogon what my behind feels like in comparison. He said "a pressed ham" and laughed hysterically.
paradoxymoron
Nov. 6th, 2008 07:19 pm (UTC)
That sounds scary. O.o Mayhaps you should have regular exams to be sure?
TOTALLY VOLUNTEERS!
oddharmonic
Nov. 7th, 2008 01:33 am (UTC)
It's not scary, just lumpy. I have regular exams already and the place that does the diagnostic imagery has is incredibly swank. Indirect light, heated tables, blankets... they even warm up the goo they use to help the probe slide around.
paradoxymoron
Nov. 7th, 2008 02:13 am (UTC)
okay, just making sure that everything's as it should be.

Sounds like a heck of a place to get your girlbits mashed by a big vicelike diagnostic machine.
oddharmonic
Nov. 7th, 2008 02:45 am (UTC)
It's a value of normal for me. (:

I just get an ultrasound, which is just like the "seeing the baby on ultrasound" children's television clip, only with a smaller probe and better lighting. A brief portion of the imaging is also done through a slightly floppy (silicone?) pad that looks about the diameter and depth of a petri dish, which led me to crack jokes about vegetarian gelatin last time.
paradoxymoron
Nov. 7th, 2008 03:22 am (UTC)
I'm laughing over the "pressed ham" line above.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )

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oddharmonic
Melissa, starry-eyed soy-lovin' Expatriated Zulu

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