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Please help me translate this into stupid (or at least ghetto-speak, since that's what they yelled at me in):

If you know who illegally parked the black Ford Explorer, Texas license plate T26 SWX, to block in three parking spaces outside building X last night (February 6), please notify them that the parking for guests is just feet away in the uncovered parking spaces at the far ends of buildings X and Y. Additionally, the car alarm going off twice between 9 and 10 PM was extremely rude to the residents.

Unfortunately [complex name] is currently an on-call property with the towing company, so residents cannot call in illegally parked cars.

IF YOU DO NOT HAVE AN ASSIGNED PARKING SPACE, PARK IN THE UNCOVERED PARKING SPACES. PARKING IN A FIRE LANE IS ILLEGAL.


While I was leafleting my end of the building (the units closest to the illegally parked car), the too-lazy-to-park-legally women came out of an apartment and were making screechy-chick noises at the Post-It notes on their window (they said "If you park here illegally and your car alarm goes off after 9 PM again, we will fix it." and then at my window markering (wipes-off-easily Crayola Window Mega Markers) that said "I CAN'T PARK" on the driver's window and "DUI - CALL 911" on the back window. After they saw me and started yelling in my direction, I replied "Parking in a fire lane is illegal." and went back to what I was doing. They followed me and preschooler-sized kid with the women yelled at me "That's not nice!", to which I replied "Young man, I live here and pay for two covered parking spaces. No matter who you are, parking is NOT legal in the fire lane." and walked away. The women continued making annoying chick noise and I left them on the first floor yelling that they were calling the police to report me.

If they actually did (which I doubt), I've got 10 megapixel photos of their illegally parked car, two voicemails at the complex management office reporting the illegally parked car and the car alarm (also documented, hi neighbor dudes who saw me with my jammed snot gun!), and a logged call at the towing company when they told me management has to call in tow requests.

This is the second time I've logged this car/plate illegally parked in the fire lane outside our building. Next time I am not going to be nice. (If I had thought of it, I would have taken our battery jumper unit downstairs, started the Volvo and backed it into their car to match the rear-corner smashing on the side of the car opposite the Volvo. Never, ever park in a hoopty car 'cause the owner probably isn't above using it on your illegally parked car.)

edit 0247: It dawned on me that with the regularity that this particular vehicle sits in the fire lane (it usually idles with no-one in it during the day and only parks at night) and the associated noise they make that our neighbor is babysitting kids for the car's driver. I checked the state child care provider lookup and there are no listed (not inspected by the state), registered or licensed providers associated with our complex's address. I might mention that when I take photos with my complaint over the office in the morning.

I also think I have translated the notice for the next time:
Girlfriend, I aksed u before not to block in other people's wheels. If u don't got a crib in this hood, u gots ta park in a parking space that don't got a roof. Next time imma call the po-po on ya and dey'll jam u up.


(I did my best to channel every bit of slang I've heard on Law & Order reruns because I couldn't bring myself to watch MTV to get the lingo. It pains me just to type 'aksed', for crying out loud.)

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
redqueenofevil
Feb. 7th, 2008 08:06 am (UTC)
If the fire lane is properly marked, you may call the cops to get the car towed and ticketed. I've learned this from being on the HOA board, and dealing with the illegal parkers. In addition, if your complex has a security company that patrols, they can have the car towed.

Either way, regardless of it being private property, if they're blocking a fire lane, the cops are happy for the revenue.

And wiping crayolas on the windows. That's brilliant! Are they just regular crayolas? I need to get some. heh heh heh heh heh!
oddharmonic
Feb. 7th, 2008 08:46 am (UTC)
I called the police non-emergency number to report the car. They told me to call the towing company signed on our gate. The towing company told me to call management because of the on-call status. Calling management after hours instructs us to call the police if it's an emergency. We have a Dallas Police resource officer or something, but I've only seen them on the other side of the complex.

They're window markers that are washable, but I've learned from drawing on Laurel's mirror that they wipe off glass with a tissue or napkin. Here they are at the Crayola store: http://www.crayolastore.com/product_detail.asp?T1=CRA+58%2D8166&.
starzz
Feb. 7th, 2008 12:49 pm (UTC)
I love you! LOL
oddharmonic
Feb. 7th, 2008 01:56 pm (UTC)
They were idling in the fire lane this morning when we came in from dropping Laurel off at school. I pulled out the little camera from my purse and they left in a hurry.

I'm thinking about buying a couple of those fake security cameras with a motion tracker (under $10 apiece new, cheaper for 3+) and installing them over our parking spaces to mess with people.
polyhymnia
Feb. 7th, 2008 04:38 pm (UTC)
The translated message is awesome.
blueeyed
Feb. 7th, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)
LOL at your translation! I hope those nasty hos heard dat and stop frontin' on the real yo.
popcornoblivion
Feb. 7th, 2008 05:18 pm (UTC)
I would've drawn weenises on the windows, so you're beating me.

I got blocked in at the grocery store the other night by a pink car with pink faux-testicles hanging from the hitch. The mind boggles. I should've taken a picture.
revme
Feb. 8th, 2008 02:09 pm (UTC)
I always thought it was "axed".
(Deleted comment)
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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oddharmonic
Melissa, starry-eyed soy-lovin' Expatriated Zulu

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