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Lying in bed, I had a brilliant idea for dissuading unwanted door-knocking parties. Vogon suggested the fine-print tag line.



(Confused? The device in the image is a Mathieu rectal speculum.)

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( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
dylanevl
Sep. 26th, 2007 07:59 am (UTC)
ha!
dylanevl
Sep. 26th, 2007 08:08 am (UTC)
And if that's NSFW for ya.. your job sucks!
oddharmonic
Sep. 26th, 2007 01:21 pm (UTC)
I can look at pr0n all day because I don't have a "real" job. What can I say? The benefits are great!

I noted NSFW in the cut tag as a warning to gentler readers, although I don't think I have too many of them. (:
dylanevl
Sep. 26th, 2007 05:46 pm (UTC)
I forget there are gentler readers out there.. I tend to scare them off in half a sentence.
radixx
Sep. 26th, 2007 08:21 am (UTC)
Hell, we have those at work!
clearmind
Sep. 26th, 2007 08:34 am (UTC)
You win for best comment in a NSFW post!
oddharmonic
Sep. 26th, 2007 01:06 pm (UTC)
I have a vision of speculae neatly sorted by size and function now.

Wait, that was a naughty dream I had once. Never mind. (;
radixx
Sep. 26th, 2007 03:48 pm (UTC)
tell me more about your naughty dreams...in great detail.
oddharmonic
Sep. 27th, 2007 12:02 am (UTC)
I dream a lot of neatly sorted items. Sort of like the fantasy/nightmare scene in Monk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zom5KDK_N_g
gynocide
Sep. 26th, 2007 10:32 am (UTC)
I hate those fucking things!
oddharmonic
Sep. 26th, 2007 12:50 pm (UTC)
I was expecting you to second the "we have those at work" comment. Then I thought about what a lousy part of the job it would be to perform cavity searches.
gynocide
Sep. 28th, 2007 07:38 pm (UTC)
Nah. Only medical staff does cavity searches in the state of California. I can't even strip search a male inmate unless if it's an emergency situation. Thankfully.
redqueenofevil
Sep. 26th, 2007 10:37 am (UTC)
Love the addition of the habanero extract.
oddharmonic
Sep. 26th, 2007 01:17 pm (UTC)
The sad part is I don't know where the bottle of habanero extract is. Haven't for months.

When Vogon made it, he unintentionally made a bit of pepper gas in the process and I woke up when it drifted into the bedroom. It was certainly a memorable way to wake up!

It ranked right up there for future laughs with the time my grandmother tried roasting peppers in the microwave and the ensuing pepper gas made everyone go outside while the kitchen and dining rooms cleared out. After going back inside, my sister realized great-grandma had been sitting in the dining room the whole time and she hadn't noticed a thing.
redqueenofevil
Sep. 26th, 2007 08:57 pm (UTC)
That's really funny about your great grandma.

When it comes time to write a memoir, I think you should definitely pen it.
(Deleted comment)
oddharmonic
Sep. 26th, 2007 12:49 pm (UTC)
I like it! but all the words could confuse the non-delivery people that knock on my door.
suburbfabulous
Sep. 26th, 2007 12:47 pm (UTC)
Just in time for Mormon Season!
oddharmonic
Sep. 26th, 2007 01:04 pm (UTC)
But (drum roll please) does it really work?

We have never had a Mormon knock on our door here. Heck, the Boy Scouts don't even knock for Scouting for Food, they just tie a bag to our door handle and I put it out on pickup day filled with nonperishable items.

My door-knocking traffic falls into three main categories:
- Parcel deliveries
- Sales solicitations
- Teens looking for the upstairs neighbor

I just get really annoyed when some door-to-door sales person knocks on my door at, say, 9 PM on a Saturday night. I expect the police or an emergency situation requiring a telephone or first aid from unexpected door-knocking after 8:30 PM.

Pretty soon I'm gonna be sitting on my patio in a rocking chair yelling at the damn kids to get off my lawn.
phoena
Sep. 26th, 2007 01:24 pm (UTC)
Good idea! Let me know if it works!
oddharmonic
Sep. 27th, 2007 04:10 am (UTC)
I gotta find a higher-resolution image of the speculum to make a printable version.

I eagerly look forward to its reception. We can't recycle coated paper into the worm composter, so nearly all the menus and ads we find clipped to the door wind up in the trash. I hate that.
may_lyn
Sep. 26th, 2007 09:30 pm (UTC)
wonder how many would be willing to take it up the ass for jesus? *snicker*
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )

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oddharmonic
Melissa, starry-eyed soy-lovin' Expatriated Zulu

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